Many young people are getting their first information about sex, and in some cases the bulk of their sex education, from pornography. There are also increasing reports of strangulation within sex and research suggesting this is connected to the rise in violent pornography.
To explore these topic further we did some work with the Sexual Assault Support Service and Maree Crabbe, Director of Australian violence prevention initiative It’s time we talked.
Together we ran a webinar exploring the harmful impact pornography is having on our young people and their understanding of consent and respectful relationships. Pornography is a huge industry readily available to very young people.
So, what are young people seeing in pornography nowadays?
Violence. And a lot of it.
Acts of aggression are common in the most popular pornography, and they are almost always (97%) directed towards women.
The most common acts of physical violence include gagging, slapping and strangulation*, and in the pornography the women receiving the violence act like they enjoy it.
This sends the message that women like it when men physically hurt them.
And this is alarming because watching pornography frequently can shape your personal sexual preferences. When young people see violence acted out in pornography, they may think that’s what sex should be like for them. They may not realise that pornography performers are doing their job – performing, or that most of the performers aren’t having sex in their real lives that is as rough as they are having on screen.
How is this shaping young people’s understandings of consent?
There is pornography that is more ethically made, but often pornography lacks important aspects of sex - The 3 Cs- Consent, Communication and Contraception (or protection from STIs).
In violent pornography especially the 3 Cs are usually missing. Sex performers go from hardcore position to hardcore position with no contraception and no conversation before, during or after sex. This gives the impression that your sexual partner is always ready and keen for anything and everything (which is not reality).
When young people see pornography performers ‘enjoying’ violent sex, they may start to believe that this is what their own partners want. This creates a problem with consent because if someone assumes that their partner wants or expects certain acts, they might think they don't need to ask for consent anymore.
“When young boys start having sex, they imagine porn and everything that goes on in porn… They don’t want to ask because it’s like, how do you ask? They just do it and hope she takes it, and I’m sure some girls would take it and just do it because its awkward sometimes saying ‘no’.” - Young woman on It’s time we talked
“I’ve got mates that do it, they tell me ‘She didn’t want to at first, but I kept hounding and hounding her, and finally she let me”. – Young man on It’s time we talked
What can you do to keep your young person safe?
If you are a parent, carer, teacher, aunty, or you just know a young person - chances are you want to keep them safe and ensure they feel empowered to engage respectfully in their intimate relationships.
Here are some helpful tips from It’s time we talked on how to do just that!
Limit exposure
Blocking popular pornography websites or enabling an adblocker on your family computer, may help reduce your young person’s access to pornography. You can also restrict the use of devices in bedrooms and other private spaces.
Encourage critical thinking
Teach them to question the things they see online. You can also engage them in conversations about power in relationships that are shown on TV, in movies, and through advertising.
Empower them to say no
Remind them that it’s never okay for someone to pressure them to do anything sexual they don’t want to do. You can go through some scenarios and come up with a plan together about ways they can respond if this occurs. This may include setting up a way for them to contact you if they need an excuse to leave a situation.
Inspire them!
Show them what respectful relationships looks like by modeling them in your own life!
The information here is taken with Maree’s permission from the It’s Time We Talked website, which is chock full of resources for young people, parents, community organisations and schools. Go here to check it out www.itstimewetalked.com